How The Signs Are Spending Quarantine

How The Signs Are Spending Quarantine

In the spirit of quarantine memes and zodiac content, I give you, how the signs act while in quarantine. You’re welcome.

Aries: Keeps telling themselves that today is the day they put on real pants. Still hasn’t happened yet.

Taurus: Changed their Zoom background to hide the state of their home.

Gemini: Hasn’t seen a human in 12 days. Is perfectly okay with it.

Cancer: Keeps posting the same quarantine memes about not showering with the caption “me lol.”

Leo: Bought 13 books over the course of several days. Has read nothing.

Virgo: Binge watching “The Office” for the fifth time but says they’re watching “Tiger King.”

Libra: Hasn’t seen “Tiger King” but is pretending like they have to seem cool. Doesn’t know what a Joe Exotic is.

Scorpio: Tried to make their own face mask and failed miserably. Is wearing a Halloween mask until their Etsy order arrives.

Sagittarius: Keeps ordering takeout while pinning different quarantine workout routines.

Capricorn: Is incredibly smug about owning a bidet.

Aquarius: Won’t stop reminding people of the major world events that happened before quarantine. Keeps telling people that we almost went to war in January, as if that fucking matters now.

Pisces: Wrote a novel. Realized they’re a terrible writer.

Is this content bad? Objectively, yes. But hey, I’ve been holed up for weeks and am all out of interesting things to say. This is where we’re at, folks.


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Maggie Stanton is an MBA grad with great hair and an average personality.


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