Industries Millennials Can Kill Next

Do any of the above headlines look familiar?

Of course they do, you godless industry murderers!When us Millennials aren’t eating avocado toast, drowning in student loans, or fantasizing about home ownership, we’re cold-blooded killers. Forget everything you’ve heard about industries and social norms changing over time to adapt to consumer needs… we’re straight up assassins.

Perhaps it’s time we slow down our murderous rampage so we can reflect on our lack of affordable health insurance, or maybe, direct our hits to other behaviors or industries…


When this social media giant isn’t actively spying on you and corrupting America’s democracy, you’re getting notification that your neighbor from high school is “waving” at you. 

What exactly is Facebook even good for these days? Endless video streams from pages you forgot you liked? A barrage of ads that mildly creep you out with their accuracy? Endless messages from your 9th grade bully trying to sell you shit from her new pyramid scheme?
Hell no. Especially you, Karen. Why would I spend $25 on essential oils when Target has them for $5! I know you’re full of shit, lavender doesn’t cure cancer, it just gives me a headache.

Let’s face it, fellow Millennials. Facebook isn’t what it used to be, and Mark Zuckerberg continues to piss me off. 

Leave Facebook to it’s new successors; moms and MLMs everywhere.

Multi-Level Marketing Schemes.

Speaking of your oil-peddling Facebook friends…

Let’s talk about MLMs. In all honesty, I could talk all day about how annoyed they get me.

Plus, it’s another excuse for me to link to a favorite “Last Week Tonight” episode.

If nothing else, killing this industry will make me less wary of my LinkedIn inbox. If I get one more message from a woman I’ve never met about this “amazing opportunity” from an “incredible brand” that I’d be “the perfect boss babe” for… I’m gonna lose it.

Hell, I might even start  my own MLM, and fill the inboxes of those who have spammed me with “an awesome chance to get in on the ground floor of this sure-to-be-a-success company!”

​Probably not. But a gal can dream.

Being pretentious about your interests.

Just shut up and let me listen to my Camp Rock soundtrack in peace!

Instagram foods.

I’m speaking of course, about these atrocities…

These all cost minimum $25 and eating them takes serious effort and napkins involved. At best, they’re a pain in the ass to eat. At worst, they’re inedible.

Look at that burger. You really think those fries will stay crisp underneath a goddam egg?! Or that attempting to adorably dye cheese like the grilled cheese pictured above doesn’t affect the overall taste and texture?

It still stuns me that something as pure and good as food has been corrupted. Can the next trend be basic ass food on an actual plate? Please?

Side note: If you really wanna punish your eyeballs, check out this subreddit and prepared to be horrified by how far this trend has gone.

College group work.

There’s no real way we can kill this, I just really hate it.

Is there an industry or social norm you wish would die a slow, painful death? Name three of their albums in the comments


One Response

  1. I’d like to kill the conservative underwear industry that doesn’t use photographs of steamy male models in their scanties on the product packaging.

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