20 Lies You Learn in Your 20s

TLDR; we’re all struggling.

1. You never stop getting acne.

“Why am I 26 and still getting zits?! I thought this shit ended in high school!”

Not only is this annoying as hell, it puts you in the strange position of having the skin of a 14-year-old but the sad defeated eyes of an adult. Looks weird.

2. Your immediate friends are usually on total opposite ends of the adulthood spectrum.

One of my friends got married and bought a house. Another got arrested at Comic-Con.

3. You get oddly excited about grown-up purchases

If you called your mom to talk about how excited you are about your new Dyson, then hung up and felt weird about it, welcome to your 20s.

4. You side-eye your peers who haven’t learned their limits

All it takes is one meet up at the bar with your coworkers for you to forever judge Steve from accounting. Jesus Christ, Steve! We’re adults! Stop taking shots like it won’t affect you!

5. Not to mention the godawful hangovers that weren’t there a few years prior

Remember in college when you stayed out till 3, woke up at 7:30 for class, grabbed a Monster and shook it off? Oh, how times have changed.

6. You still don’t like vegetables but will begrudgingly eat them because now you know how expensive doctor’s visits are

Nobody really likes broccoli, but then again nobody is screaming with joy over copays either.

7. You know a lot about technology, but also nothing at all

When it comes to fixing nana’s emails, you’re an old pro. But one Snapchat update later and you’re in an honest-to-God tech tailspin.

8. Finances are only slowly starting to make sense to you

No one can fully explain the magic that is compound interest, you just know that $20 is better saved than spent… unfortunately.

9. Speaking of, everything on earth suddenly seems more expensive

When I was in 4th grade and heard about jobs that net $25,000 a year, I thought that meant I would live like royalty and be crowned a queen. Nowadays, royalty = adding another 0.

10. Your dreams have shifted dramatically

When you were 10: I wanna be an astronaut!

Now: I wanna be able to eat takeout every night without feeling guilty!

11. Your peers can make you feel woefully irresponsible

“Did Becky and John have a baby?! What the hell?! I can barely keep myself alive, let alone an infant.”

12. And on that note, you appreciate your parents beyond words

Being an adult is already so goddam weird and complicated. How did they manage to do all this and raise me? 

13. You rediscover the joys of sleep

What fools we all were to take kindergarten nap time for granted. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20 (lol get it? Cause it’s about your twent-

14. You also thought your humor might be a bit more refined, but it’s not

You still laugh at fart jokes. Somehow.

15. You’re expected to take on leadership roles

Equal parts exciting and terrifying. I burned toast today but you want me to manage a project?! Sure, this’ll go great.

16. Despite the small age difference, you still feel weird as hell going back to school

“I know you’re 18 and that’s only a 5 or 6 year age difference, just trust me when I say I feel like an ancient turtle around you ok?!”

17. Watching the Olympics made your knees hurt instinctively

Who the hell does a jump like that and just walks away?! That’s gonna bit you in the ass a few years from now, buddy!

18. If you’re trying to switch jobs, you have no idea what you’re qualified for

You’ve been at this job for 4 years, so maybe you’re ready for management? Or is that too soon? Or not soon enough? Who knows, send them your LinkedIn profile anyways.

19. You truly have no idea what it is you’re doing

You just hope everything will work itself out.

20. You feel both old and young at the same time

This levels out sometime soon… right?

Do you have any insight into the bizarre decade that is your twenties? Leave a comment! Or we can meal prep together and you can tell me all about it!


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