I finally saw “Wonder Woman.”Christ, took me long enough. Even my grandma saw it before I did. Yeesh.
I’ll admit, I’m not exactly great about seeing hot movies in a timely fashion. It took me a month before I saw “Hidden Figures.” I had a countdown app downloaded specifically for the final “Hunger Games” movie and I still missed the midnight premiere. Quite frankly, I’m amazed I saw the last “Harry Potter” as soon as I did.
Seriously, I feel like I could topple a government or get paid the same as my white male coworkers for equal work. Cinema is truly wonderful.
So let’s keep this superhero party going. I don’t pretend to have a vast knowledge of the Marvel and DC universe. When kids were losing their minds in comic books, I was more of a Yu-Gi-Oh kind of gal (Any sass on how I spent my free time as an 8-year-old will get you sent to the Shadow Realm.) So I’m not entirely sure which superhero to point a finger at and scream, “Her next! She gets the next movie!”
That being said, I’ve always got ideas whether they’re wanted or not. So here ya go, six completely okay ideas for the next superhero powerhouse that I’ll probably get to seeing eventually…
- Put Serena Williams in it; She doesn’t even have to play a superhero, she can just be cast Serena playing herself. If she can kick absolute ass at tennis while pregnant, saving the world isn’t exactly too far off.
Cast someone who isn’t named Chris in the movies; Mostly for my sake. I can’t keep track of which Chris was in what franchise and why. Let’s pick another popular, generic name and bulldoze the hell out of it instead, k?
Armor that would legitimately protect you in a knife fight; I could Not. Stop. Thinking about that whilst watching “Wonder Woman.” Yeah, Diana can defend herself all day against bullets and grenades. But what if someone waltzes up and stabs her in the arm? She’d at least get an infection because penicillin wasn’t discovered until 1928. So there’s that. TLDR; Armor for all. Every goddam inch. Knives are no joke.
A superhero with a shaved head or pixie cut; Any woman with long azz hair (such as myself) can tell you firsthand it never stays out of your face like Diana’s did. Maybe it’s because she’s a demigod and her powers extend to follicle control, but still. Simple solution is embracing the post-Harry Potter production Emma Watson look.
A superhero who just straight up sucks; I love that Diana believes humans can be inherently good and love is the most powerful force. It’s awesome. But as we progress through female superhero-dom, let’s also throw in some characters who are major assholes a la Tony Stark. Just to shake things up. It’s great to have a female superhero. It’s even better when she isn’t perfect.
Finally, a superhero who doesn’t ditch heels because she never had them in the first place; I’m still a bit salty over Jurassic World having Claire outrun a T-Rex in Louboutins. That and the fact that Jurassic World sucked. (Come at me, Internet!)
Do you have any ideas for future female-led superhero movies?! Tell me all about them and let’s go see them like a month after it hits theaters!
The movie was garbage; if the same movie had a male star in it everyone would have torn it apart. But now because the heroine has a vagina everyone sees only this and forgives the atrocius things this movie includes.