Any Manhattan resident has endured this routine at least once, if not 10,000 times in their life when responding to the “Where are you from?” question to folks outside the midwest. “I’m from Manhattan… no, the Kansas one. Yeah, there’s a Kansas one. No, I’m not messing with you, it’s… just Google it. Seriously, it exists! Just G-, here, give me a second… I’ll use my phone.” (<- prime example of midwestern politeness; we use our own damn phones to prove to you that our dinky little town is real and has humans)
Am I the end all, be all authority of Manhattan? Hell no. I’ve spent a mere four years here, and was AWOL for two out of the three summers. It’s honestly all been a blur. I hear college is like that. Now, can confirm.
But as someone with a blog, opinions, and too much free time, I felt compelled to share my limited experience with the Internet until someone better comes along to shut me down. So buckle your seat belts folks, you’re all about to get smacked with the knowledge train and we’re going full speed! Choo choo, bitches!
1. You’re never 100 percent sure whether that noise was thunder or Fort Riley.
2. You feel slightly guilty for going to the Starbucks off of Bluemont instead of Radina’s.
3. Speaking of, you’re still not clear on what the hell is up with Bluemont/Anderson and you’ve given up trying to explain it to out-of-towners.
4. Each time a chicken place opens counts as one of the best days of your life.
5. The fact that Auntie Mae’s used to be a speakeasy makes you feel a little more badass for a doing a shot there.
6. You’ve made a pact with certain friends to never discuss the unspeakable shit you did on the Hill.
7. You’ve made the best friends of your life while drunk off your ass at the Varsity Truck at 2 a.m.
8. You also didn’t know what love was until you got their grilled cheese mac ‘n’ cheese with bacon.
9. If we could harness the power of sweat produced at Dirty Dawgs on a Friday night, we could solve the energy crisis.
10. You’re not certain if other cable companies still exist; all you see are Cox commercials.
11. You have one free mini Bible for every year you’ve gone to K-State.
12. You’re unusually used to the smell of cow dung on hot weekday nights.
13. Controlled burns don’t faze you either.
14. A tornado may actually kill you one day because you’ve learned to tune out the test sirens. It’s like 2008 never even happened!
15. Fake Patty’s puts you into one of three categories; drunk college student on the verge of death, terrified local who is barricaded into their house, and server who is questioning all of the choices in their life that led them to this moment.
16. Harry’s is reserved for graduations, engagements, or rich people with money to burn.
17. You know better than trying to grab a quick bite to eat after a game ends. It’s a goddam commitment.
18. You avoid any and all retail outlets the weekend all the students come back. Including Walmart. Especially Walmart.
19. There was a point in time when you had never tried cream cheese on a cheap, 10 inch pizza. Then you had the fear of God struck into your heart and your intestines. And a love/hate relationship with that stupid commercial.
20. There’s nothing on earth more beautiful than this view…